I thought this was a cute story with some really compelling bits here and there. You put together the world with confidence, it was populated with adorable sprites (tho Nova had some expressions that gave me chills), and I felt that the scenes centering around Nova and how she observed people and dreamed were exceptionally good and moody.
If I had a real point of critique, it's that sometimes it felt more like ideas were being thrown at the wall rather than the world coming together fully as a place that I bought into. The stuff with LLMs in particular felt a little like writing about sort of popular issues with it without weaving together something more cohesive with that thread (as well as sorta confusing me somewhat in terms of Ashley inventing an AI as advanced as Nova capable of doing some of the crazy stuff she can do). On the note of said crazy stuff, the endings felt kind of like a wild escalation of what was really something that could happen in the story and it sort of lost me a little there.
Having said that though, you and your team put together and told this story with real enthusiasm and I think that is predominantly what shines through for me. Nova and Ashley are super compelling characters and I would have definitely read more about either of them. Great work!
I liked this a lot. Cute spritework and some good worldbuilding, with very fitting audio work.
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The highlight for me was when Nova took over Ashley's body. To go from "huh that text seems out of character for Ashley" to realising what's happening was so well written.
To me, the endings felt a bit too grim, to the point of actually coming off comedically because they were so over-the-top dark. And if that's what was intended then I'll appreciate the choice! But other than that it was quite a solid VN.
Yay! I'm glad you liked that scene, because it was my favorite too <3
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I agree the endings were quite dark, I had a good ending but had to cut it for time lol. To me, it was meant to be a bit of a parable on overreliance on AI, so the really terrible endings felt warranted. Thank you so much for reading!
Congrats on your first vn! I enjoyed the presentation here, the art is very cute and I think the music was pretty well composed (if a bit short)
The writing was generally alright and I think it has a real standout scene. I played in response to a call for writing feedback, so for comment lurkers I'll be divulging into spoilers, beware!
The scene where Nova takes over Ashley's body was excellent! Losing one's control over themself and being pilotted by an AI in this manner is an incredibly interesting concept and I thought it was a really goddamn good idea, very well done! It conveys the horror quite nicely alongside just being a really incredible concept.
However, I generally felt the story lacked focus. It introduces a lot of ideas but doesn't really evolve them much, and I wish it spent some more time focussing on one idea such as the above and fully developing it rather than lightly touching on many ideas. The LLMs, roller derby, arranged marriage etc. were all mentioned but I feel there wasn't enough commentary or usage of the subjects (in some cases as the roller derby stuff feeling like it kinda disappeared after a point) to justify their inclusion.
I didn't really like the deus ex's of both endings, they felt a little too absurd and I feel the rest of the story didn't build up enough to earn the absurdity of them. The humour was pretty funny sometimes (the eyes emoji was really funny thank you I giggled very much) but other times I felt it got in the way of pacing (I think the Throngle and devil/angel bits went on a bit too long) though I admit humour is harder to judge as its a matter of personal taste.
I did enjoy the little bits of Nova's perspective we did get! the little sheep scenes, I really enjoyed how they were presented and what they communicated, though I wish we had a little more of them as it feels like Nova develops a bit too much too fast, but I enjoyed those scenes regardless.
I also really liked the opening scene - it's a very strong opening scene that introduces the world well and I thought it was a very fun and gripping idea. I do feel that it paints the doctor to be a much more important character than she ended up being, though.
Overall, I think this brought up some very interesting and compelling ideas, and had some moments of incredibly compelling writing, but felt a bit too spread out and could've benefitted from being cut down into a more focussed and pointed story.
A fun experience overall! Thank you very much for sharing! Excited to see what you guys get up to next :>
You're right that I explore a lot of ideas without circling back much. I had actually planned to write at least double what ended up into the game... a rookie mistake of over scoping the game lol. On my next game, I'm going to really focus in on one really punchy idea like the one you mentioned.
I'm glad you liked the humor! I feel like it's important to include because reading stories is supposed to be fun! It even makes the horror hit harder in my opinion.
Thank you thank you thank you so much for giving me such detailed feedback. Like genuinely, this is incredibly helpful. I hope to make another game sometime really soon :3
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I thought this was a cute story with some really compelling bits here and there. You put together the world with confidence, it was populated with adorable sprites (tho Nova had some expressions that gave me chills), and I felt that the scenes centering around Nova and how she observed people and dreamed were exceptionally good and moody.
If I had a real point of critique, it's that sometimes it felt more like ideas were being thrown at the wall rather than the world coming together fully as a place that I bought into. The stuff with LLMs in particular felt a little like writing about sort of popular issues with it without weaving together something more cohesive with that thread (as well as sorta confusing me somewhat in terms of Ashley inventing an AI as advanced as Nova capable of doing some of the crazy stuff she can do). On the note of said crazy stuff, the endings felt kind of like a wild escalation of what was really something that could happen in the story and it sort of lost me a little there.
Having said that though, you and your team put together and told this story with real enthusiasm and I think that is predominantly what shines through for me. Nova and Ashley are super compelling characters and I would have definitely read more about either of them. Great work!
I liked this a lot. Cute spritework and some good worldbuilding, with very fitting audio work.
(spoilers)
-
-
-
-
-
-
The highlight for me was when Nova took over Ashley's body. To go from "huh that text seems out of character for Ashley" to realising what's happening was so well written.
To me, the endings felt a bit too grim, to the point of actually coming off comedically because they were so over-the-top dark. And if that's what was intended then I'll appreciate the choice! But other than that it was quite a solid VN.
Yay! I'm glad you liked that scene, because it was my favorite too <3
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I agree the endings were quite dark, I had a good ending but had to cut it for time lol. To me, it was meant to be a bit of a parable on overreliance on AI, so the really terrible endings felt warranted. Thank you so much for reading!
Congrats on your first vn! I enjoyed the presentation here, the art is very cute and I think the music was pretty well composed (if a bit short)
The writing was generally alright and I think it has a real standout scene. I played in response to a call for writing feedback, so for comment lurkers I'll be divulging into spoilers, beware!
The scene where Nova takes over Ashley's body was excellent! Losing one's control over themself and being pilotted by an AI in this manner is an incredibly interesting concept and I thought it was a really goddamn good idea, very well done! It conveys the horror quite nicely alongside just being a really incredible concept.
However, I generally felt the story lacked focus. It introduces a lot of ideas but doesn't really evolve them much, and I wish it spent some more time focussing on one idea such as the above and fully developing it rather than lightly touching on many ideas. The LLMs, roller derby, arranged marriage etc. were all mentioned but I feel there wasn't enough commentary or usage of the subjects (in some cases as the roller derby stuff feeling like it kinda disappeared after a point) to justify their inclusion.
I didn't really like the deus ex's of both endings, they felt a little too absurd and I feel the rest of the story didn't build up enough to earn the absurdity of them.
The humour was pretty funny sometimes (the eyes emoji was really funny thank you I giggled very much) but other times I felt it got in the way of pacing (I think the Throngle and devil/angel bits went on a bit too long) though I admit humour is harder to judge as its a matter of personal taste.
I did enjoy the little bits of Nova's perspective we did get! the little sheep scenes, I really enjoyed how they were presented and what they communicated, though I wish we had a little more of them as it feels like Nova develops a bit too much too fast, but I enjoyed those scenes regardless.
I also really liked the opening scene - it's a very strong opening scene that introduces the world well and I thought it was a very fun and gripping idea. I do feel that it paints the doctor to be a much more important character than she ended up being, though.
Overall, I think this brought up some very interesting and compelling ideas, and had some moments of incredibly compelling writing, but felt a bit too spread out and could've benefitted from being cut down into a more focussed and pointed story.
A fun experience overall! Thank you very much for sharing! Excited to see what you guys get up to next :>
Thank you so much for all of the feedback <3
You're right that I explore a lot of ideas without circling back much. I had actually planned to write at least double what ended up into the game... a rookie mistake of over scoping the game lol. On my next game, I'm going to really focus in on one really punchy idea like the one you mentioned.
I'm glad you liked the humor! I feel like it's important to include because reading stories is supposed to be fun! It even makes the horror hit harder in my opinion.
Thank you thank you thank you so much for giving me such detailed feedback. Like genuinely, this is incredibly helpful. I hope to make another game sometime really soon :3